Entitled to Why
I had a patient call me a "fixer" one time. Not because I fixed him, but because I was relentless about fixing the TV in his room.
I was determined to figure out why it wouldn't work.
Trying to figure out "why" things are the way they are could possibly be classified as one of my life missions. My thoughts are constantly drifting and wandering off trying to figure out why things are the way they are and why things happen the way they do.
Some call it obsessive, over-analytical, and/or anxious.
I like to call it...well...quite frankly the tendency does get a bit annoying.
But I'd like to think we all have it to a certain degree.
A small part of us - or maybe even a large part - wants an explanation for why things are they way they are.
What I've come to realize is that, for lots of things, we just have to be okay with not knowing "why".
And I HATE that. I hate giving into that conviction. I hate admitting that I may never know the answers. I hate knowing that there are some things that I just can't fix.
But when I study this extreme hate more, when I sit down and beg God to answer me, what I've come to realize is that, what I really hate, is trusting God when He won't give me the answers I want.
My hate, is a lack of faith. My anxiousness, is me doubting God. My obsessiveness, is my belief that it is my job to fix things, and that I am more powerful than He. My wanting to know why, is me failing to find joy simply in the love He has already displayed for me.
And the truth is, God has already given me the answers. And sometimes His answer is simply, "Trust me."
Which is hard.
It's hard to trust God is good, when you lose a Father figure to cancer.
It's hard to trust that God is good, when you watch people you love be controlled by addiction and anxiety.
It's hard to trust that God is good, when you get a text saying a patient you weren't expecting to lose, passes an hour after you leave work.
It's hard to trust that God is good, when marriages don't last, when terrorists strike, or when death seems to come too soon.
And I'm sure you have your own place and story where you struggle to see God's goodness.
And in these moments, we want to know why.
Why do you let these things happen? Why do you let the very people you claim to love destroy each other and themselves?
And the only answer I know to be true is that these things, these addictions, these sicknesses, these acts of violence... they are not from God.
God is a good God. But we have fallen and we are flawed. And because we are humans and we are flawed and evil exists, bad things happen. He gave us the right to choose to trust in His goodness so that our relationship with Him would be one of love and not of force. But that doesn't mean that evil doesn't still exist in this world we currently live in. What it does mean is that it is only through that relationship with Him that we may come to understand and/or be at peace with the idea that sometimes, even though we feel entitled to know why, that He is the one in control and that He loves us very much.
My prayer tonight is that His Holy Spirit will surround you, in whatever "why" you are struggling with and that He may give you His peace that surpasses all understanding (Phil. 4:7).
I know it's not easy, but I know His word is true.
"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." -John 16:33